Match Report: 2019-05-04, GSNDS vs Royal Green

Where to begin re this game… thanks those who stepped up to take us from six players to seven, then seven and two halves, before settling on seven and a half on match day. Toss was lost but Royal Greens, under the leadership of Sidhu, formerly of Cuzza Canes last year and chirpy such that no-one even on that team liked him, opted to bowl first. The probably-legal orange ball they opted for made for good seeing conditions but one thing no-one saw coming was the “stumping” of Jimmy who, while the umpire entertained and declined an ambitious caught-behind appeal, tapped his bat in his crease, then left it under a reasonable assumption the ball was dead. His dismissal was lower than the keeper’s underam from range that dribbled along the ground to dislodge the bails. Umpire actually apologised for being forced to give it, such was the poor spirit in which the Sidhu-led appeal was made. First and worst dismissal of the day, for a few hours at least.

After that shitness, the Gladdies’ team innings bubbled along, with Charlie retiring shortly after drinks, assisted by runs from CyberCram Systems Model 101 and an anchoring 40 from Lach. Late hitting from Jamie and a top score from Steven Undries saw us to 213 off our allotted overs. A combination of Brown’s-cows pedestrians perennially shuffling to and from the basketball courts, coupled with match ball, dismissal controversies and the general marshalling of the teens and tweens at Sidhu’s disposal, meant a short lunch before seven GladdiATORS™ set to defending the total.

The Royal Greens’ top four were clearly the talented youngsters of their crop and we did well to snare both openers before either reached 40. Bats 3 and 4 made good use of the many outfield gaps, as well as the Gladdies’ stand-in skipper’s inability to latch on to the correct orange orb when facing west. With both retired, C. Wooler Esq. was thrown the pill, and set to bowling the single shortest, highest delivery perhaps e’er seen on the park, at which the aforementioned Sidhu threw the kitchen sink, pirouetting back onto his stumps. Quote umpy: “wait a minute, let me do this in the right order… [outstretches arms] wide ball, [raises finger] out”. Hit wicket off a wide. That one was shining down on you, Jimmy D.

Wickets fell from there, to the point where they only had two wickets in hand with 36 left to get. Sadly there were too many overs remaining and too many gaps, with Royal Greens losing their eighth wicket off the final ball of the 31st over, while the scorers worked out they were already on 214. Having learned earlier that one of our opponents was a student of Lach’s at some stage, we all enjoyed replying to his “see you boys” with a school chorus “GOOD AFTERNOON MR DRUMMOND”, after earlier also working out the Different Strokes references that can be made when we call Lach that.